Not for Me
Oct. 21st, 2011 03:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trista_zevkiaTitle: Not for Me, Spoke the Raven
Author: Trista_zevkia
Chapter: 1/1
Fandom: DC comics
Rating: PG-17
Warnings: Talk of domestic violence
Summary: PromptDCU, Raven, watching other Titans' romances and wishing for a real one of her own.
Any Verse, Any Character(s), adventures in bra shopping as a superhero who needs extra support for battle.
DCU, Cassandra Cain/Stephanie Brown, Batgirls have to stick together.
Disclaimer: All this happened, more or less
Author's Notes: It's later than the posting date, because I am chronologically challenged. I have not sense of time and thought it wasn't due till the 21. Luckily, our kind modes extended the deadline! To make it up to them, I've included several prompts.
It is possible to get tired of meditating, just as it’s possible to get tired of anything, and everything. I get tired of everything, often. Everybody gets to have dreams, friends, lovers, but not me. My only dream is to keep my father from taking over the universe and killing all my teammates. I don’t know if that dream is even possible, or if all I can do is delay him.
My teammates, then, are more than people I know. They keep me from giving in to the despair that rides so close to my heart. It is for my teammates that I struggle and fight. And meditate for most of the day, so I stay in control and don’t let my emotions overwhelm me. Which, if you think about it as I do, is a lot to put on a bunch of kids with talents. Be nice to me, or I’ll get upset and accidentally let my father destroy you all.
As I meditate, I can leave my body, being invisible to the world and float around. Rose and Firestorm are in the workout room, but Rose is letting Firestorm live. She’d never let him win, so her letting him practice against her shows how much Rose likes him.
I can see Beast Boy irritating Cyborg, which is always funny. Cyborg’s responses are also amusing, as BB can always surprise Cyborg. I’m not in the mood to fight back a laugh though, so I don’t listen to what they’re saying. Poor BB. He amuses me, but I can’t laugh.
If I feel anything too strongly, Trigon might use it break into this universe. I tried to let BB know I felt for him, but the words weren’t enough. He needs passion and spontaneity; the antithesis of me. So I went into his mind and softened his feelings for me. I’m sure that breaks the telepath’s code or something, but it was done for BB peace of mind. Does the hero code outweigh the telepath’s code?
Robin would know, and he’s easy to find. Batman has seen to it that Robin studies how to prevent a telepathic intrusion but in a world of unskilled minds even a modicum of discipline stands out. I see the controlled fire of Robin’s mind, and float toward him. Beside him is the startling presence of Starfire. Her emotions have no confinement and dance around her. Kon is similarly undisciplined, and sitting on the other side of Robin. Three on a couch, and the one in the middle doesn’t realize why he’s in the middle.
Robin is working too hard to be like his mentor, Batman. Tim is attracted to Starfire, but in love with Kon. Tim will shove both desires aside, to better concentrate on the mission. Starfire, for all her knowledge, is somehow innocent. She doesn’t consider Kon a rival for Tim’s affection. I think she should allow her body to change, that final molt into her species adulthood. Then she could go after Nightwing, who has a thing for red-heads.
Kon knows Starfire’s a rival, and he knows Cassie thinks she’s in love with him. He’s trying to feel the same for her but when he died, it was Tim who tried to re-grow Kon in a lab. Cassie could live without Kon, but Tim couldn’t. To me, that is a clear indication of where Tim’s heart lies, but Kon needs Tim to verbally confirm he’s approachable. Actions speak louder than words, Kon. Next time you beat Tim at the video game, take a kiss as your reward.
I wish I could tell Kon that, inserting the words into his head as they play from the couch. Perhaps I should, since Tim is distracted by the phone cradled to his left ear, Kon might win this round. Unless Tim has a girlfriend on the line, someone he doesn’t want to hear him kissing Kon. Adjusting my austral projection of self, I listen in as Tim replies to something.
“It’s not that bad, and it has to be done.”
“Does it? Alfred will fix.”
It takes me a moment to place the voice, female with a strange way of speaking. Batgirl! No, Black Bat now, and the other is Batgirl. The other who was giggling in the background and now spoke for the phone.
“That’s just it! This is probably the one thing in the universe Alfred doesn’t know!”
Tim shrugged with his right shoulder. “Don’t bet on that. Alfred fitted me when I went undercover once.”
“You went undercover as a girl, and I don’t have pictures?” Batgirl giggled and I couldn’t remember her name. I also didn’t know what they were talking about, so I decided to follow the phone line to them.
“I destroyed all the pictures and surveillance videos, so don’t even bother looking.”
Kon risked a glance away from the video game, wondering what Tim was talking about. I direct my attention outward, pretending a straight line connects Tim to the Bat-girls. I know phones have never worked that way but it’s an exercise, a way to direct my will to an unknown destination.
“I bet Oracle has a few pictures.”
“Why didn’t you two call her?” Tim sounds annoyed, but he’s really amused by the whole thing. Whatever it is.
“She agreed with me and Cass wouldn’t take ‘it’s a girl thing’ as a good reason.”
I feel a twitch of appreciation for Cass. I’ve heard similar things ever since I came to this dimension, and never felt it was an adequate explanation.
“You showed me how to buy from books, and online.” Cass is trying to talk her way out of this, which is clearly not her forte.
“Catalog shopping is a very different event! Why, I bet Papa-Bat doesn’t even know you have a credit card!”
I can feel Cass’s confusion, as she remembers a dark haired man showing her how to use it. “He does.”
“Not from the amount you’ve put on it!” Batgirl’s voice is playfully exasperated at her… Her what? Bat-sister?
“She’s got you there, Cass.” Tim nods, sending his game avatar running up a hill. “Go on, see if you can do enough damage to make him sit up and notice.”
“Tim, please?”
“Go, Cass. Otherwise you’ll never understand girl stuff.” Tim disconnects, but my concentration is on the Batgirls.
They’re at some fancy high rise apartment in Gotham. Cass is looking up from the disconnected phone, her face rather blank. I don’t know much about these two, only that Cass very nearly killed Supergirl while mind controlled. It made me worry what Cass could do if she set her mind to it, but I think that about all members of the Bat family. If the horrors of this dimension could scare me, the Bat family would be in the running.
“One store?” Cass tries again to limit this excursion, but I could have told her any sign of weakness would make things worse.
Batgirl is very smug and triumphant as she tosses a pair of gym shoes at Cass. “No, we start with one store to get an idea of what’s in this season.”
Cass had caught both shoes in one hand, propping her right foot on her left knee so she could put the right shoe on while standing. Now she stood there holding one shoe as she tried to figure that out.
“Bra’s change color in fall?”
Now Batgirl laughed and Cass put her other shoe on while waiting it out. “Cass, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain fashion to you.”
“Don’t try, Steph.” Cass mutters as she grabs a small wallet with a keyring on it.
“We’ll start at Lacey’s and work outward. They usually have the basics, so the rest of the stores will be about finding fun stuff.”
“Why should a bra be fun? I am the only one who sees them.”
Steph giggles as Cass locks the door behind them.
I feel for Cass but I’m tired and need to get back to my body. I retreat to it, thinking about what I’ve left in Gotham. Are Steph and Cass friends or sisters, or something more? How could one give up her name to the other, Batgirl, and still be this close? That was something that confused me about Nightwing and Robin, though I think there is part of that story I haven’t heard.
The Bat family is a special group, one with secret and demanding entrance qualifications. What would it be like to have a family that wanted you to join? Would Batman have taken me in, had I found Gotham before the Titians? They had accepted Cass, who was a foreign here as I am. Her body was human, but not her experiences. Raised without words and with the hidden emotions of an assassin, her face doesn’t match what she feels. I feel more than others see, but I hide it and kill those emotions if I can.
I settle into my body and try to lock away the sadness creeping into my being. My Mother died for me, but does that mean I shouldn’t wish for somebody to live for me? BB accepted me, but wanted more from me, what I couldn’t give. I couldn’t let myself hurt when we broke up and I can’t even grieve over that.
What can I do? Meditate in my lonely room, my lonely soul and hope reality changes? What else could I do, go bra shopping? A spike of emotion drives through me, want and need to be as fun and irreverent as Steph. I can’t be like that, no matter how I wish for it.
Would it hurt to watch?
A random question, or a second thought, and I’m wrapping my soul self around me. A touch of power, and I’m in an alleyway in Gotham. Another little bit of power and people will see a forgettable dark haired girl. I head for Lacey’s and fall in behind a happy blond her dark haired friend. They window shop as they go, or Steph does. Cass glances at the item and watches Steph. I don’t try to touch their minds, though I could, rather easily. Instead I just watch, wishing Steph’s easy acceptance was for me.
They’re still a block from Lacey’s when a new thought occurs to me. Cass had her own version of acceptance, for everyone but herself. Cass accepted that Steph had the right to drag her out to do ‘normal’ things. Cass accepted that Alfred could buy her bras, but that she wasn’t supposed to think that was normal. The world confuses Cass, so she accepts that she’s the outsider.
I stop to think about it, about how similar we are. I can accept that I’m the weird one, the dark observer to life. Would Cass accept me as part of the normal world? In that strange human, could I find the acceptance I seek so desperately?
A hand on my arm pulls me into an alley and I gather my soul-self to fight back. There’s a hand at my throat and I know it could kill a human, but I grin a little at her. Cass doubled back during my moment of introspection, and came to find out why I was following them. Since my disguise should have made me completely forgettable, it’s very impressive that she spotted me.
“I know you.” She says, frowning with concentration.
I shift the magic, to let her see the real me. Recognition flicks through her eyes and she switches on. She lets me go and steps back, ready to fight in her jeans and t-shirt. The t-shirt says ‘I am psychiatrically A1’ and I wonder if she has any idea what it means.
“Emergency?”
“No emergency. I was…” Words fail me. Cass, I was wondering if we could be friends? I just happened to be in a city on the other side of the content and accidently walking behind you? They’re out of bras on the west coast?
“Cass? What are you doing?” Steph interrupts us, but Cass tilts her to the side and stares at me.
She has an unnerving stare, and I think how lucky the thugs of Gotham are that she wears a mask.
“Steph, she is of the titans and seeks something.”
“Have you been tested for telepathic abilities?” I ask, astounded at her perception. I wasn’t even raised on this planet and she can still read me.
“Raven, right?” Steph asks, smiling.
“Yes.”
“You can come with us if you like.” Steph shrugs. “We’re just going bra shopping, but if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you might find it anyway.”
“I would like that.” It’s an easy, common thing to say, but the way Cass looks at me I can tell she knows what I really wanted to say.
I expected more questions, but Steph believes Cass at some primal level. Casually, we walk out of the alley together. Steph is the life of the group, talking about anything that comes into her head. Her jokes didn’t get the loud laughs they might have from other people, but that didn’t stop her. BB was much the same, but the silence could get to him.
Steph leads us into the Lacey’s department store, walking in the door closest to the lingerie. I almost ask if there’s a bat-app for that, but stop myself. What if they didn’t think it was funny? What if they did? Did I have more jokes in me?
“Here we are! Rave, this is the first time Cass has ever been bra shopping.”
I start to correct her, tell her it’s Raven, but I realize she’s nicknamed me to include me. “My dress is magic and I borrow civilian clothes from teammates.”
“You’ve never bra shopped either?” Steph looks to Cass and back to me. “We should have bought t-shirts.”
Cass smiles softly, before looking back to the overwhelming display of feminine goods. The smile is chased away, and I’m reminded of how alike we are.
“Do either of you have any preferences with bras?” Steph asks us both, as her eyes drag her to the brightly colored flimsy ones.
Cass looks down at her chest with a frown of concentration. “I don’t like the thing, on my thing.”
“You’ve lost me on that one, Cass.”
Cass looks around and easily finds what she’s looking for. The satin pink bra with little hearts doesn’t scream Black Bat to me, and when she turns around Cass is frowning.
“This fold, rubs when moving.” Cass points and Steph translates Cass’s own words back to her.
“The seam rubs across your nipple when you fight.”
“Yes. Why is it there?”
“Well…” Steph stops speaking and now she’s frowning at the bra. “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s there. It is irritating for anybody with a nipple and I can’t imagine it functions in support.”
I spot something and hand it to Steph for an explanation.
“Okay, the flower is supposed to keep nipple hidden, no matter how cold it gets.”
“If it’s that cold, shouldn’t you have a sweater?” Seems a reasonable question to me, but Steph sighs.
“Not everybody is that prepared all the time.”
“Will this wire set off a metal detector?” Cass asks, flexing the wired bra between her hands.
“No, it’s aluminum and there’s not enough of it.”
“More on this side piece. No protection if attacked.”
“Steph, this strap is adjustable, but they only have two inches of material to adjust along. What if you are shorter or taller than that?”
“I guess you’d have to have it altered. But you’re not that short so don’t worry about it.”
“I do not think I could afford a thirty dollar bra and alteration fees.” I shrug as I return the nipple flower bra to its hanger.
“How do they keep the metal from pushing through the bra?” Cass asks, staring at the seam over the top of the wire.
“They will poke through eventually.” Steph admits with a sigh.
“All of these seem to have a bow in the middle. Wouldn’t that be more noticeable under a shirt than your nipples?”
“People look for nipples, I guess.” Steph is rubbing at the side of her head.
I wonder if she has a concussion from some fight or other, giving her a headache. “Why do so many have padding, even the big ones?”
“Most girls want to be bigger, or think they do.”
“Ladies.” A perky voice interrupts us as a salesclerk comes over. “Did you need some assistance?”
“Yes!” Steph replies eagerly, as if glad to find somebody she could relate with. “They’ve got a lot of questions.”
The woman smiles but her phone rings and the smile disappears. I can see the pain in her eyes when she
sees who it is. “Just let me answer this text, and I’m all yours.”
She gives us a smile, but the fear doesn’t leave her eyes as she texts back. She pockets the phone and looks back at Steph. “Sorry about that, what kind of questions did you have?”
Cass steps forward, so the salesclerk looks to her. “Why do you stay with someone you fear?”
The name tag says Sarah. I stare at it and wonder if the ‘h’ is necessary. I don’t enjoy watching people fall apart and this girl does with a single question. If I pay attention, I’ll hurt for her. I’ll want to make her abuser bleed, I’ll be angry that parts of Mississippi are trying to decriminalize spousal abuse to save money. I’ll find that town and crush the government of it into my soul-self, letting them feel the misery of confusing fear with love. I jerk backward, away from the hand on my arm and look into Steph’s worried face.
“You okay, Rave?” She whispers, and I see Sarah has latched onto Cass to cry.
Cass looks to us, clearly lost with how to handle a crying woman. She’s hugging her, but awkwardly in an effort to be gentle.
“I require a moment.” I whisper back, and close my eyes to meditate away the anger.
Steph lets go of me and walks over to Sarah. Steph starts to ask questions, softly, of the sobbing woman. She gets off work in an hour, and we’re waiting outside to walk her home. We don’t talk about it or make any other plans. We grab coffees and people watch until she comes out. Sarah’s washed her face and calmed down, but she’s tense as we get on the bus.
Steph talks to her, about normal things; traffic, weather and TV. Cass and I listen in, and make sure no one is watching us too closely. We get into the small apartment and it’s very neat, but Sarah makes herself look busy by straightening things. Steph talks her into making tea for us, further busy work. We’ve got twenty minutes before her boyfriend is expected home. She’s giving us the tour, so we’re in the one bedroom when the front door opens.
“Sarah, you’d better be home.” The man calls out, but I don’t hear anger under the voice.
The bruises under her long sleeve blouse tell us all he has a temper, but this threat is simply how he talks to her. I turn, but Cass is closest to the door and she’s into the living / kitchen area in an instant.
“Hello, my little China doll!”
I’ll admit to being unsure of Cass’s ethnicity, but I do recognize she could kill somebody with a doll, and probably for using that tone of voice. A sob keeps me from leaving the bedroom, and I see that Sarah is hurt. She’s put up with physical and mental abuse, but it still hurts her to think he would cheat on her. Turning back, I see Cass has walked into the kitchen. The boyfriend is watching her and hasn’t seen us.
“You a friend of Sarah’s?”
“Yes.” Cass replies instantly, unaware of how that question would have slowed down most people.
“She bring you home as a gift for me?” The man shifts, rubbing a hand along his cock.
Do men really think that will attract a woman?
“Yes.”
“Shit! She finally did something right.” For the thrilled look on his face, he still hesitates to move to Cass.
I think he realizes she’s dangerous, but can’t believe that of a girl.
“She brought me to help you pack.” Cass says, in a carefully worded, full sentence. An effort on her part to sound more normal.
“What? Sarah, get out here!”
She moves automatically, but Steph puts a hand on her shoulder. A quick, light touch that’s just the right amount of emotional support. I copy the movement as Sarah walks past me, and add a bit of self confidence to her emotional mix. It’s a tricky thing to do, but it feels right in this case. Sarah doesn’t know us, doesn’t know what we can do, just that we’re her one chance of getting out of this thing alive. If she takes this one step, I believe she can take others. Sarah just needed to know people were in her corner, which is why her boyfriend spent so much time telling her no one was.
“She’s right. I want you and your stuff out of my apartment.”
He starts to run to Sarah. “You little…”
Whatever noun he was about to use is crammed back in his mouth, along with two permanent teeth, by Cass’s elbow. He has a hand pressed to his mouth when he looks up in confusion. Cass is standing there, as casually as if she was waiting at a bus stop. Sarah steps back, seeing him in a whole new way. Suddenly, he’s as weak and helpless as he made her feel, and she can totally do without him.
“Matter of fact, get the hell out. I’ll pack your crap and send it to your dad.”
“I live here!” He tries to sound wronged and powerful, but he sound more like a cartoon character. ‘I wive hee.’
“My name is on the lease, and I pay the rent. Get out!” Sarah is getting her life back, and she’s so ready for it.
I touch his mind, and find him thinking about dark alleys and waiting until we leave. He thinks he could take us, and be back to beating Sarah tonight.
“Do as the lady says.”
He looks at me, surprised to see me and Steph standing there. I consider taking all memory of this from his mind, making it so that he doesn’t even remember Sarah’s face. But, he wouldn’t learn anything from this. As he gets to his feet, I reach into his mind and implant a directive. Whatever he feels or thinks of Sarah, he won’t harm her. He staggers out the door, with a last look over his shoulder. He might wait for us to leave or try and track us down, but he’ll leave Sarah alone. We’ve taken worse from our biological parents, and we’ve dished out worse. He’ll figure that out if he ever tries anything.
Steph is hugging Sarah, but this time it is a joyful hug. Cass is on the phone, asking Alfred about replacing the locks. We make a night of it, playing loud music and removing his things from the apartment. When an elderly man shows up to change the locks, Cass and Steph smile. This must be Alfred, I decide, and watch him change the locks.
Cass goes with him to drop off the six garbage bags of stuff Sarah is sending to her ex. Steph shows Sarah some basic self defense moves and talks of precautions she should take. When Alfred returns with Cass, they are carrying take away bags from an expensive restaurant downtown. Alfred slips away while we dig in, and we talk and eat.
It’s getting dark when Cass excuses herself, saying she has to get to work. Sarah gives her another hug, which Cass still doesn’t know how to respond to. Steph adds her cell number and Cass’s to Sarah’s phone. Steph is going to stay the night, helping one person this night instead of a city. The offer is made to me, and I consider it.
“Sarah, you realize we are not normal bra shoppers.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But you should be.”
Something in me comes undone. Not completely, for I couldn’t allow that, but it was like that first gasp of air after surfacing in a pool.
“I would very much like to stay.”
Sarah smiles at me, but Steph beams. Sarah is on her knees, digging into the cabinet beside the TV. “I hope you like girl movies. I had to hide mine, so now I want to watch them all!’
“I never did see 50 First Dates!” Steph says, grabbing the case in question.
“Popcorn?”
“With butter.”
I allow myself to smile and feel normal. So, maybe, helping a woman out of an abusive relationship while looking for bras isn’t technically normal, but it’s close enough for me to enjoy it.
Author: Trista_zevkia
Chapter: 1/1
Fandom: DC comics
Rating: PG-17
Warnings: Talk of domestic violence
Summary: PromptDCU, Raven, watching other Titans' romances and wishing for a real one of her own.
Any Verse, Any Character(s), adventures in bra shopping as a superhero who needs extra support for battle.
DCU, Cassandra Cain/Stephanie Brown, Batgirls have to stick together.
Disclaimer: All this happened, more or less
Author's Notes: It's later than the posting date, because I am chronologically challenged. I have not sense of time and thought it wasn't due till the 21. Luckily, our kind modes extended the deadline! To make it up to them, I've included several prompts.
It is possible to get tired of meditating, just as it’s possible to get tired of anything, and everything. I get tired of everything, often. Everybody gets to have dreams, friends, lovers, but not me. My only dream is to keep my father from taking over the universe and killing all my teammates. I don’t know if that dream is even possible, or if all I can do is delay him.
My teammates, then, are more than people I know. They keep me from giving in to the despair that rides so close to my heart. It is for my teammates that I struggle and fight. And meditate for most of the day, so I stay in control and don’t let my emotions overwhelm me. Which, if you think about it as I do, is a lot to put on a bunch of kids with talents. Be nice to me, or I’ll get upset and accidentally let my father destroy you all.
As I meditate, I can leave my body, being invisible to the world and float around. Rose and Firestorm are in the workout room, but Rose is letting Firestorm live. She’d never let him win, so her letting him practice against her shows how much Rose likes him.
I can see Beast Boy irritating Cyborg, which is always funny. Cyborg’s responses are also amusing, as BB can always surprise Cyborg. I’m not in the mood to fight back a laugh though, so I don’t listen to what they’re saying. Poor BB. He amuses me, but I can’t laugh.
If I feel anything too strongly, Trigon might use it break into this universe. I tried to let BB know I felt for him, but the words weren’t enough. He needs passion and spontaneity; the antithesis of me. So I went into his mind and softened his feelings for me. I’m sure that breaks the telepath’s code or something, but it was done for BB peace of mind. Does the hero code outweigh the telepath’s code?
Robin would know, and he’s easy to find. Batman has seen to it that Robin studies how to prevent a telepathic intrusion but in a world of unskilled minds even a modicum of discipline stands out. I see the controlled fire of Robin’s mind, and float toward him. Beside him is the startling presence of Starfire. Her emotions have no confinement and dance around her. Kon is similarly undisciplined, and sitting on the other side of Robin. Three on a couch, and the one in the middle doesn’t realize why he’s in the middle.
Robin is working too hard to be like his mentor, Batman. Tim is attracted to Starfire, but in love with Kon. Tim will shove both desires aside, to better concentrate on the mission. Starfire, for all her knowledge, is somehow innocent. She doesn’t consider Kon a rival for Tim’s affection. I think she should allow her body to change, that final molt into her species adulthood. Then she could go after Nightwing, who has a thing for red-heads.
Kon knows Starfire’s a rival, and he knows Cassie thinks she’s in love with him. He’s trying to feel the same for her but when he died, it was Tim who tried to re-grow Kon in a lab. Cassie could live without Kon, but Tim couldn’t. To me, that is a clear indication of where Tim’s heart lies, but Kon needs Tim to verbally confirm he’s approachable. Actions speak louder than words, Kon. Next time you beat Tim at the video game, take a kiss as your reward.
I wish I could tell Kon that, inserting the words into his head as they play from the couch. Perhaps I should, since Tim is distracted by the phone cradled to his left ear, Kon might win this round. Unless Tim has a girlfriend on the line, someone he doesn’t want to hear him kissing Kon. Adjusting my austral projection of self, I listen in as Tim replies to something.
“It’s not that bad, and it has to be done.”
“Does it? Alfred will fix.”
It takes me a moment to place the voice, female with a strange way of speaking. Batgirl! No, Black Bat now, and the other is Batgirl. The other who was giggling in the background and now spoke for the phone.
“That’s just it! This is probably the one thing in the universe Alfred doesn’t know!”
Tim shrugged with his right shoulder. “Don’t bet on that. Alfred fitted me when I went undercover once.”
“You went undercover as a girl, and I don’t have pictures?” Batgirl giggled and I couldn’t remember her name. I also didn’t know what they were talking about, so I decided to follow the phone line to them.
“I destroyed all the pictures and surveillance videos, so don’t even bother looking.”
Kon risked a glance away from the video game, wondering what Tim was talking about. I direct my attention outward, pretending a straight line connects Tim to the Bat-girls. I know phones have never worked that way but it’s an exercise, a way to direct my will to an unknown destination.
“I bet Oracle has a few pictures.”
“Why didn’t you two call her?” Tim sounds annoyed, but he’s really amused by the whole thing. Whatever it is.
“She agreed with me and Cass wouldn’t take ‘it’s a girl thing’ as a good reason.”
I feel a twitch of appreciation for Cass. I’ve heard similar things ever since I came to this dimension, and never felt it was an adequate explanation.
“You showed me how to buy from books, and online.” Cass is trying to talk her way out of this, which is clearly not her forte.
“Catalog shopping is a very different event! Why, I bet Papa-Bat doesn’t even know you have a credit card!”
I can feel Cass’s confusion, as she remembers a dark haired man showing her how to use it. “He does.”
“Not from the amount you’ve put on it!” Batgirl’s voice is playfully exasperated at her… Her what? Bat-sister?
“She’s got you there, Cass.” Tim nods, sending his game avatar running up a hill. “Go on, see if you can do enough damage to make him sit up and notice.”
“Tim, please?”
“Go, Cass. Otherwise you’ll never understand girl stuff.” Tim disconnects, but my concentration is on the Batgirls.
They’re at some fancy high rise apartment in Gotham. Cass is looking up from the disconnected phone, her face rather blank. I don’t know much about these two, only that Cass very nearly killed Supergirl while mind controlled. It made me worry what Cass could do if she set her mind to it, but I think that about all members of the Bat family. If the horrors of this dimension could scare me, the Bat family would be in the running.
“One store?” Cass tries again to limit this excursion, but I could have told her any sign of weakness would make things worse.
Batgirl is very smug and triumphant as she tosses a pair of gym shoes at Cass. “No, we start with one store to get an idea of what’s in this season.”
Cass had caught both shoes in one hand, propping her right foot on her left knee so she could put the right shoe on while standing. Now she stood there holding one shoe as she tried to figure that out.
“Bra’s change color in fall?”
Now Batgirl laughed and Cass put her other shoe on while waiting it out. “Cass, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain fashion to you.”
“Don’t try, Steph.” Cass mutters as she grabs a small wallet with a keyring on it.
“We’ll start at Lacey’s and work outward. They usually have the basics, so the rest of the stores will be about finding fun stuff.”
“Why should a bra be fun? I am the only one who sees them.”
Steph giggles as Cass locks the door behind them.
I feel for Cass but I’m tired and need to get back to my body. I retreat to it, thinking about what I’ve left in Gotham. Are Steph and Cass friends or sisters, or something more? How could one give up her name to the other, Batgirl, and still be this close? That was something that confused me about Nightwing and Robin, though I think there is part of that story I haven’t heard.
The Bat family is a special group, one with secret and demanding entrance qualifications. What would it be like to have a family that wanted you to join? Would Batman have taken me in, had I found Gotham before the Titians? They had accepted Cass, who was a foreign here as I am. Her body was human, but not her experiences. Raised without words and with the hidden emotions of an assassin, her face doesn’t match what she feels. I feel more than others see, but I hide it and kill those emotions if I can.
I settle into my body and try to lock away the sadness creeping into my being. My Mother died for me, but does that mean I shouldn’t wish for somebody to live for me? BB accepted me, but wanted more from me, what I couldn’t give. I couldn’t let myself hurt when we broke up and I can’t even grieve over that.
What can I do? Meditate in my lonely room, my lonely soul and hope reality changes? What else could I do, go bra shopping? A spike of emotion drives through me, want and need to be as fun and irreverent as Steph. I can’t be like that, no matter how I wish for it.
Would it hurt to watch?
A random question, or a second thought, and I’m wrapping my soul self around me. A touch of power, and I’m in an alleyway in Gotham. Another little bit of power and people will see a forgettable dark haired girl. I head for Lacey’s and fall in behind a happy blond her dark haired friend. They window shop as they go, or Steph does. Cass glances at the item and watches Steph. I don’t try to touch their minds, though I could, rather easily. Instead I just watch, wishing Steph’s easy acceptance was for me.
They’re still a block from Lacey’s when a new thought occurs to me. Cass had her own version of acceptance, for everyone but herself. Cass accepted that Steph had the right to drag her out to do ‘normal’ things. Cass accepted that Alfred could buy her bras, but that she wasn’t supposed to think that was normal. The world confuses Cass, so she accepts that she’s the outsider.
I stop to think about it, about how similar we are. I can accept that I’m the weird one, the dark observer to life. Would Cass accept me as part of the normal world? In that strange human, could I find the acceptance I seek so desperately?
A hand on my arm pulls me into an alley and I gather my soul-self to fight back. There’s a hand at my throat and I know it could kill a human, but I grin a little at her. Cass doubled back during my moment of introspection, and came to find out why I was following them. Since my disguise should have made me completely forgettable, it’s very impressive that she spotted me.
“I know you.” She says, frowning with concentration.
I shift the magic, to let her see the real me. Recognition flicks through her eyes and she switches on. She lets me go and steps back, ready to fight in her jeans and t-shirt. The t-shirt says ‘I am psychiatrically A1’ and I wonder if she has any idea what it means.
“Emergency?”
“No emergency. I was…” Words fail me. Cass, I was wondering if we could be friends? I just happened to be in a city on the other side of the content and accidently walking behind you? They’re out of bras on the west coast?
“Cass? What are you doing?” Steph interrupts us, but Cass tilts her to the side and stares at me.
She has an unnerving stare, and I think how lucky the thugs of Gotham are that she wears a mask.
“Steph, she is of the titans and seeks something.”
“Have you been tested for telepathic abilities?” I ask, astounded at her perception. I wasn’t even raised on this planet and she can still read me.
“Raven, right?” Steph asks, smiling.
“Yes.”
“You can come with us if you like.” Steph shrugs. “We’re just going bra shopping, but if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you might find it anyway.”
“I would like that.” It’s an easy, common thing to say, but the way Cass looks at me I can tell she knows what I really wanted to say.
I expected more questions, but Steph believes Cass at some primal level. Casually, we walk out of the alley together. Steph is the life of the group, talking about anything that comes into her head. Her jokes didn’t get the loud laughs they might have from other people, but that didn’t stop her. BB was much the same, but the silence could get to him.
Steph leads us into the Lacey’s department store, walking in the door closest to the lingerie. I almost ask if there’s a bat-app for that, but stop myself. What if they didn’t think it was funny? What if they did? Did I have more jokes in me?
“Here we are! Rave, this is the first time Cass has ever been bra shopping.”
I start to correct her, tell her it’s Raven, but I realize she’s nicknamed me to include me. “My dress is magic and I borrow civilian clothes from teammates.”
“You’ve never bra shopped either?” Steph looks to Cass and back to me. “We should have bought t-shirts.”
Cass smiles softly, before looking back to the overwhelming display of feminine goods. The smile is chased away, and I’m reminded of how alike we are.
“Do either of you have any preferences with bras?” Steph asks us both, as her eyes drag her to the brightly colored flimsy ones.
Cass looks down at her chest with a frown of concentration. “I don’t like the thing, on my thing.”
“You’ve lost me on that one, Cass.”
Cass looks around and easily finds what she’s looking for. The satin pink bra with little hearts doesn’t scream Black Bat to me, and when she turns around Cass is frowning.
“This fold, rubs when moving.” Cass points and Steph translates Cass’s own words back to her.
“The seam rubs across your nipple when you fight.”
“Yes. Why is it there?”
“Well…” Steph stops speaking and now she’s frowning at the bra. “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s there. It is irritating for anybody with a nipple and I can’t imagine it functions in support.”
I spot something and hand it to Steph for an explanation.
“Okay, the flower is supposed to keep nipple hidden, no matter how cold it gets.”
“If it’s that cold, shouldn’t you have a sweater?” Seems a reasonable question to me, but Steph sighs.
“Not everybody is that prepared all the time.”
“Will this wire set off a metal detector?” Cass asks, flexing the wired bra between her hands.
“No, it’s aluminum and there’s not enough of it.”
“More on this side piece. No protection if attacked.”
“Steph, this strap is adjustable, but they only have two inches of material to adjust along. What if you are shorter or taller than that?”
“I guess you’d have to have it altered. But you’re not that short so don’t worry about it.”
“I do not think I could afford a thirty dollar bra and alteration fees.” I shrug as I return the nipple flower bra to its hanger.
“How do they keep the metal from pushing through the bra?” Cass asks, staring at the seam over the top of the wire.
“They will poke through eventually.” Steph admits with a sigh.
“All of these seem to have a bow in the middle. Wouldn’t that be more noticeable under a shirt than your nipples?”
“People look for nipples, I guess.” Steph is rubbing at the side of her head.
I wonder if she has a concussion from some fight or other, giving her a headache. “Why do so many have padding, even the big ones?”
“Most girls want to be bigger, or think they do.”
“Ladies.” A perky voice interrupts us as a salesclerk comes over. “Did you need some assistance?”
“Yes!” Steph replies eagerly, as if glad to find somebody she could relate with. “They’ve got a lot of questions.”
The woman smiles but her phone rings and the smile disappears. I can see the pain in her eyes when she
sees who it is. “Just let me answer this text, and I’m all yours.”
She gives us a smile, but the fear doesn’t leave her eyes as she texts back. She pockets the phone and looks back at Steph. “Sorry about that, what kind of questions did you have?”
Cass steps forward, so the salesclerk looks to her. “Why do you stay with someone you fear?”
The name tag says Sarah. I stare at it and wonder if the ‘h’ is necessary. I don’t enjoy watching people fall apart and this girl does with a single question. If I pay attention, I’ll hurt for her. I’ll want to make her abuser bleed, I’ll be angry that parts of Mississippi are trying to decriminalize spousal abuse to save money. I’ll find that town and crush the government of it into my soul-self, letting them feel the misery of confusing fear with love. I jerk backward, away from the hand on my arm and look into Steph’s worried face.
“You okay, Rave?” She whispers, and I see Sarah has latched onto Cass to cry.
Cass looks to us, clearly lost with how to handle a crying woman. She’s hugging her, but awkwardly in an effort to be gentle.
“I require a moment.” I whisper back, and close my eyes to meditate away the anger.
Steph lets go of me and walks over to Sarah. Steph starts to ask questions, softly, of the sobbing woman. She gets off work in an hour, and we’re waiting outside to walk her home. We don’t talk about it or make any other plans. We grab coffees and people watch until she comes out. Sarah’s washed her face and calmed down, but she’s tense as we get on the bus.
Steph talks to her, about normal things; traffic, weather and TV. Cass and I listen in, and make sure no one is watching us too closely. We get into the small apartment and it’s very neat, but Sarah makes herself look busy by straightening things. Steph talks her into making tea for us, further busy work. We’ve got twenty minutes before her boyfriend is expected home. She’s giving us the tour, so we’re in the one bedroom when the front door opens.
“Sarah, you’d better be home.” The man calls out, but I don’t hear anger under the voice.
The bruises under her long sleeve blouse tell us all he has a temper, but this threat is simply how he talks to her. I turn, but Cass is closest to the door and she’s into the living / kitchen area in an instant.
“Hello, my little China doll!”
I’ll admit to being unsure of Cass’s ethnicity, but I do recognize she could kill somebody with a doll, and probably for using that tone of voice. A sob keeps me from leaving the bedroom, and I see that Sarah is hurt. She’s put up with physical and mental abuse, but it still hurts her to think he would cheat on her. Turning back, I see Cass has walked into the kitchen. The boyfriend is watching her and hasn’t seen us.
“You a friend of Sarah’s?”
“Yes.” Cass replies instantly, unaware of how that question would have slowed down most people.
“She bring you home as a gift for me?” The man shifts, rubbing a hand along his cock.
Do men really think that will attract a woman?
“Yes.”
“Shit! She finally did something right.” For the thrilled look on his face, he still hesitates to move to Cass.
I think he realizes she’s dangerous, but can’t believe that of a girl.
“She brought me to help you pack.” Cass says, in a carefully worded, full sentence. An effort on her part to sound more normal.
“What? Sarah, get out here!”
She moves automatically, but Steph puts a hand on her shoulder. A quick, light touch that’s just the right amount of emotional support. I copy the movement as Sarah walks past me, and add a bit of self confidence to her emotional mix. It’s a tricky thing to do, but it feels right in this case. Sarah doesn’t know us, doesn’t know what we can do, just that we’re her one chance of getting out of this thing alive. If she takes this one step, I believe she can take others. Sarah just needed to know people were in her corner, which is why her boyfriend spent so much time telling her no one was.
“She’s right. I want you and your stuff out of my apartment.”
He starts to run to Sarah. “You little…”
Whatever noun he was about to use is crammed back in his mouth, along with two permanent teeth, by Cass’s elbow. He has a hand pressed to his mouth when he looks up in confusion. Cass is standing there, as casually as if she was waiting at a bus stop. Sarah steps back, seeing him in a whole new way. Suddenly, he’s as weak and helpless as he made her feel, and she can totally do without him.
“Matter of fact, get the hell out. I’ll pack your crap and send it to your dad.”
“I live here!” He tries to sound wronged and powerful, but he sound more like a cartoon character. ‘I wive hee.’
“My name is on the lease, and I pay the rent. Get out!” Sarah is getting her life back, and she’s so ready for it.
I touch his mind, and find him thinking about dark alleys and waiting until we leave. He thinks he could take us, and be back to beating Sarah tonight.
“Do as the lady says.”
He looks at me, surprised to see me and Steph standing there. I consider taking all memory of this from his mind, making it so that he doesn’t even remember Sarah’s face. But, he wouldn’t learn anything from this. As he gets to his feet, I reach into his mind and implant a directive. Whatever he feels or thinks of Sarah, he won’t harm her. He staggers out the door, with a last look over his shoulder. He might wait for us to leave or try and track us down, but he’ll leave Sarah alone. We’ve taken worse from our biological parents, and we’ve dished out worse. He’ll figure that out if he ever tries anything.
Steph is hugging Sarah, but this time it is a joyful hug. Cass is on the phone, asking Alfred about replacing the locks. We make a night of it, playing loud music and removing his things from the apartment. When an elderly man shows up to change the locks, Cass and Steph smile. This must be Alfred, I decide, and watch him change the locks.
Cass goes with him to drop off the six garbage bags of stuff Sarah is sending to her ex. Steph shows Sarah some basic self defense moves and talks of precautions she should take. When Alfred returns with Cass, they are carrying take away bags from an expensive restaurant downtown. Alfred slips away while we dig in, and we talk and eat.
It’s getting dark when Cass excuses herself, saying she has to get to work. Sarah gives her another hug, which Cass still doesn’t know how to respond to. Steph adds her cell number and Cass’s to Sarah’s phone. Steph is going to stay the night, helping one person this night instead of a city. The offer is made to me, and I consider it.
“Sarah, you realize we are not normal bra shoppers.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But you should be.”
Something in me comes undone. Not completely, for I couldn’t allow that, but it was like that first gasp of air after surfacing in a pool.
“I would very much like to stay.”
Sarah smiles at me, but Steph beams. Sarah is on her knees, digging into the cabinet beside the TV. “I hope you like girl movies. I had to hide mine, so now I want to watch them all!’
“I never did see 50 First Dates!” Steph says, grabbing the case in question.
“Popcorn?”
“With butter.”
I allow myself to smile and feel normal. So, maybe, helping a woman out of an abusive relationship while looking for bras isn’t technically normal, but it’s close enough for me to enjoy it.
