A Really Happy Ending
Aug. 30th, 2011 08:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trista_zevkiaTitle: A Really Happy Ending
Author: Trista_zevkia
Chapter: 1/2
Fandom: 2009 movie
Characters/Pairing: Jim/Spock
Trope: first time, matchmaker McCoy
Rating: PG-17
Warnings: SLASH knotting, group sex with aliens and capping.
Summary: There are weirder things out there then knotting. Trust Jim to find them, and expect Bones to fix it!
Disclaimer: All this happened, more or less
Author's Notes: For chimera ally 's birthday. I hope she forgives me for offering this as a gift, but science is fascinating!;)
Jim’s eyes were open, so he figured he hadn’t actually passed out, but he had no idea where he was or what he was doing! And he was doing lots of things, and while his eyes looked for light, he tried to figure it out. Stretched out on his left side his hands were over his head and, milking a squishy cow? Farm boy that he was, Jim knew cows got cranky when the milking process was interrupted, so he kept up the motion. The pounding in his head wouldn’t be helped by a hoof to the head!
Whatever he was licking was rough, with deep groves but tasted like mangos. The juice was probably keeping his tongue from getting dry, so he kept licking as he took in his situation. Something was wrapped around his dick, something soft and cool. He was aroused, but this thing wasn’t moving or doing anything to finish him off. Why would he be trying to have sex with one of the jell packs they used for transporting fragile goods? While milking a cow and licking a mango?
Jim would have sworn he was on his side, on a rough, unyielding surface, but why would there be a carpet against his back? A carpet pushing something sizable in his ass? And his eyes weren’t much help in this darkness, so Jim stopped licking to shake his head in an effort to clear it.
“Human whore, do not desist!”
The mango was talking to him? Talking in the universal voice of a being about to be denied an orgasm. Oh hell, he was having sex with groups of aliens again! Not a good sign, but he wasn’t bound, so he must have agreed to it at some point. Best way out of it was a happy ending, so Jim went back to licking the mango. When he found a nub that made to mango cry out, Jim sucked on it. He was rewarded with a mouthful of mango juice, refreshing enough that he swallowed it as the mango was removed.
Milking the squishy cow was awkward at this angle, because he was definitely on his side. Crooking his right leg around the jell pack on his dick, Jim held that creature to him and angled toward his stomach. The carpet rolled with him, but liked this new position, if the increase in speed was anything to go by. Now he could put the two long nipples of the cow he was milking in one hand. While his left hand continued to milk, the right hand found the ends to rub together.
The carpet was pounding into him, completely missing the prostate with a short but thick penis, but it also shoved the jell pack into the surface under them. The jell pack was warming up, providing him with a pleasant sensation a last. A shriek brought his attention back to his hands, which were being covered in fluid. As the squishy cow slipped away, Jim brought his gooey right hand to grab the ass of the carpet behind him. At least he hoped he was squeezing an ass, it was so hard to tell on a roll of carpet.
Squeezing some carpet and being thrust into, Jim tried to enjoy this. Get lost in the sensations instead of thinking about things. He’d mostly succeeded, since he really liked sex and could go for it almost anywhere, when the jell pack tightened and cooled off. Jim clenched everything against the sudden chill, and felt the carpet finish inside of him. The jell pack eased off, but the carpet was still hard inside him. Jim was left without stimulation and a hard-on.
“Human whore, I wish to see you finish before I pay.” The deep voice of the mango was calm now, having received its happy ending.
Jim didn’t know why he was getting paid, but the mango’s request fit in with his desire for a happy ending. Rolling onto his back put the carpet under him, as it hadn’t softened yet, but Jim just closed his eyes and pretended he was on a deep, plush rug. Since he was pretending, it was easy to pretend that it wasn’t the mango watching, but a certain half alien with a deep voice. Pretend that Spock would watch Jim masturbate on a nice rug, and think dirty thoughts in his giant brain. Maybe Spock would pull out his top-secret Vulcan penis, stoking himself so that he came with Jim, on Jim!
The image had Jim arching up as he came, but the carpet moved with him, swelling even more inside him. Collapsing back down on the carpet, Jim felt empty, even with his anus stuffed. Seeing Spock’s cock was only a pipe dream after all.
“Magnificent!” The mango was apparently pleased with his show. “You have won your bets.”
“Bets?” Jim latched onto the word, as winning a bet was much better then whoring. Wasn’t it? Jim opened his eyes, and closed them against the assault of light.
“10,000 credits for taking us all.” A clinking noise made Jim squint and look. Credits were being dumped into the beer glass he’d been drinking out of. There were already a bunch in there.
“I will pay after I soften.” Spoke a fuzzy voice under Jim, confirming what he suspected about the carpet.
“10,000 credits for finishing last.” More clinking, and Jim looked at the mango putting them in. About seven feet tall, the alien’s knee was damp and glowing. Apparently the mango people kept their genitalia in their knees. He’d have to remember that if he ever had to fight one of them.
“I thought I had you on that one, but you beat me.” A feminine voice, but somehow Jim knew it was the jell pack speaking. “I’ve never enjoyed losing more.”
More credits clanked into the glass, and the gelatinous female began to move toward the door. A short being with a squid for a head, thrust its face into Jim’s view. Jim guessed it was his squishy cow.
“My people have a taboo against what you did, rubbing the ends together.” The mechanical voice came through a translator pendent, so Jim didn’t know which sex might be about to start beating on him.
With a carpet knotted up in him, his defense options were limited. “I didn’t know that.”
“It was wonderful, and I shall teach my people your technique.”
“That sounds nice.” Jim tried to look pleased as he said it.
“Human Jim’s masturbation method will be very popular.” The alien dropped its credits, and squished away.
All Jim could think of to say to that was ‘please don’t let Bones hear about that!’ He kept his mouth shut.
“I too shall tell my people the wonders of having sex with humans.” The carpet added, not really helping matters. “So open to new things. We would never copulate without planning for pregnancy, but using other males negates that need.”
“Not all humans are quite as open as I am.” Jim offered while looking around. The back room of a seedy bar, a room reserved for illegal, high stakes games. They’d been playing a card game, so how had Jim wound up with carpet burn on his back?
“The grey one spent all night trying to make you angry, but you only fought back when he challenged you. Are all humans like that?”
“No. Some anger easily, some run from challenges.” The grey one wasn’t much of a description, but it was triggering Jim’s memory. Large grey head, large eyes, tiny mouth.
“Humans all have sex though?”
“Most, I can’t speak for everybody.” And after convincing a bunch of aliens your species were the sluts of the galaxy, who would feel like explaining monks, nuns and abstinence? “The grey one started this then?”
“You emptied his pockets during the game. He bet 2,000 credits he had a longer reproductive organ. You laughed, he upped the stakes. 4,000 credits that you couldn’t fit his arousal in you. You doubled down, and needed another better. Most of us would not go for it, thinking you were only trying to call his bluff. But then you shared that bottle with us. Now you are considerably richer, though you do not seem to remember it.”
“Yeah, it was that moonshine I was drinking. A birthday gift from an engineer in need of a beating.”
“May I have more of it before you beat him?”
“Sorry man, that stuff’s too powerful to be unleashed on the universe.” Especially in the hands of a being who’s just discovered the joys of homosexual and interspecies sex, Jim thought but didn’t say. Probably not a good idea to piss off the guy stuck in your rectum, at least not too much. “This grey guy left?”
“He finished first, and I believe he left without paying the 20,000 credits.”
“Still made a good haul tonight.” Money he’d give to some charity, with a prayer that none of his partners would connect him with Starfleet!
“Yes, stay positive Diamond Jim.”
Jim winced, nothing good ever happened when he went by that alias!
“The grey one will get his due in the end.”
“Wait, you said I doubled down to get you involved. So where exactly did the grey one fit into all this?”
“He started it all.” The carpet was confused, thinking he’d just said that.
“I mean, where did I copulate with him, in relation to body placement?”
“Ah! The same hole I am in. Though he was longer than I and shorter than you, he was much smaller around and I barely felt him.”
Jim closed his eyes a silently swore the worst words he knew. “As long as it didn’t bother you.”
“I enjoyed the idea, and wish to try it again.” The carpet made a noise that sounded curious to Jim. “Have you someone nearby who would join us?”
Eyes still closed, Jim reminded himself about not pissing off the guy stuck in his rectum. If he pulled out before softening, he could seriously hurt Jim. “I thought you were done?”
“If my glans is stimulated while grown like it is, it will need release again. With another rubbing against me within you, we could stay here until I need to feed again.” The carpet was trying to be seductive as he said this, bringing his hands up to stroke Jim’s naked body.
“And when do you need to feed again?”
“Seven days if I am not very active, but around you I may only last three days.”
“Well, that is quite a complement, but I have an appointment.”
“I am wealthy, if that’s what it takes.”
“It’s tempting, three days of sex, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t break this appointment.” Some appointment, returning to his ship with more than his tail tucked between his legs!
“Pity. Perhaps I should sleep now. I will soften faster, but you will have no one to talk to.”
“That’s okay. I could use some sleep too.”
“Perhaps you should stay awake and consider this offer.” The carpet’s fuzzy hands moved to stroke Jim’s cock, to better emphasizes his point. “If you could take two of me, I would install you on my ship. My all male crew would keep you in a state of constant arousal. You would revolutionize space travel for my people, be a hero to us all!”
The words didn’t hide the swelling in the carpet’s knot, and Jim had to force himself to relax with it. Grabbing the alien’s roaming hands, Jim folded them up across his chest and held them there. “You go to sleep, so I can consider your offer with a clear head.”
The carpet gave a purring noise that Jim took as pleased, and said no more.
Even with his head pounding out the hangover symphony on kettle drums, Jim could reject the offer. Years ago, a lonely boy in Iowa might have accepted, but he’d changed since then. He’d found a use for the intellect that made him an outsider there. He’d earned some of the highest honors around, including command of the Enterprise. There was only one honor he couldn’t get, the same one that had him celebrating his birthday alone. Spock respected him, but nothing more.
A year and a half after he split with Uhura, and Spock hadn’t touched anybody! After that first half year, Jim decided Vulcans didn’t do rebound sex, and set out to get Spock for himself. Not the first thing Jim had failed at, but the most spectacular so far. And apparently, that idiotic, lonely farm boy who would have considered the job as a sex toy was making a comeback. What was the point of growing up if you were more alone than ever?
He’d taken his birthday hooch and hit the planet for 12 hours of R&R, hoping to forget about Spock. He’d found the game in under an hour, but hoped it had taken longer than that to talk them into an orgy. Iowa Jim was good at interspecies sex, and getting people to pay him for it. Diamond Jim gambled until he won or lost everything, and Iowa Jim was needed to seduce his way out of it. He was doing his best to be Spock’s Jim, and coming up short. Maybe he really should consider the carpet’s offer!
Thinking about the carpet, Jim concentrated on the feeling in his ass. The carpet was still big, but it didn’t feel too big. Hoping for the best, Jim put his feet on either side of the carpet, knees bent, and pushed. A moment of friction, but he came off without any pain or waking the carpet. Jim threw himself into a roll off the carpet, who grunted behind him. Free at last, Jim grabbed his civilian clothes and dressed.
He grabbed the money, not wanting the carpet to wonder why he left it or try to look for him. The communicator was still safely stored in a pocket, but Jim decided to leave the bar before he called so nobody would connect him to this location. As a last thought, Jim grabbed the bottle he’d brought, hoping the recipe would never be duplicated. His ass hurt, protesting each step, otherwise Jim would have run out of the bar. He didn’t care so much about his dignity so much as getting away from Iowa Jim!
J<3S
Jim had beamed up four hours before his leave was up, so Bones wasn’t waiting with his bag of tricks. Instead, Jim had made do with the hangover treatment stashed in his quarters, a shower and some sleep. Another shower, a gallon of coffee, and he’d made it to the bridge for his shift. Everyone was accounted for, all back from the short R&R, so they broke orbit. In charted Federation space they were as safe as they got, so Jim was bored. He hoped to subtly nap in his chair, but he couldn’t get comfortable.
He paced around the bridge but wasn’t able to get settled when he tired of walking. Shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek, Jim tried to find the words to describe how he felt. Still sore from being stretched, but also full. Perhaps he was constipated? Not a pleasant subject but an important one. He’d had a light meal on the ship before going down to the planet, but hadn’t eaten on the planet before finding the game. No breakfast today, and lunch time was almost here and he still wasn’t hungry.
He should go see Bones, but wasn’t the perfect time to diet when you had no appetite? Almost convinced this is what Bones would want, Jim decided to wait. He skipped lunch and paced around the bridge until about two hours before the end of alpha shift. His stomach rumbled for a while, but he still wasn’t hungry. When the burping started, it wasn’t too bad, nut it increased in frequency. An hour before end of shift, he burped with every other breath and tasted acid.
Jim admitted something was wrong, and he needed to suck it up and see Bones. Then he was going to puke on every carpet he saw for the rest of his life. “Mr. Spock, you have the con.”
“Aye Sir.”
The speed of Spock’s response made Jim suspect Spock knew he wasn’t feeling well but instead of asking, Jim got in the turbolift. When he entered sick bay, Bones looked up and nudged Chapel. She looked and rolled her eyes.
“What’s going on?” Jim asked, even though his instincts said he didn’t want to know.
“Christine said you wouldn’t need our services after only twelve hours of R&R, I thought you might.”
“And how much was your thinking worth?”
Bones shrugged, but Chapel answered while blushing a little. “Five credits for you showing up, another five for what’s wrong.”
“Then you don’t owe Bones any money, because it’s not an STD.”
“Damn it.” McCoy muttered. “Then what is it?”
“Constipation.” Jim said in a much softer voice than the one that declared him STD free.
“Pack enough up you rectum, it can lead to that.” Bones said with just a little too much enthusiasm.
“But it still doesn’t qualify as an STD, Doctor.” Chapel cut in, clearly not wanting to part with her credits.
“Fine. You keep at this, I’ll figure out what is wrong with our fearless leader.” Bones started for the private areas of sick bay and Jim followed.
Jim wasn’t surprised to see the paper clothing of medical set out for him. “I’m just a little bound up, I don’t need a full exam for that.”
Bones turned, doubtless to remind Jim who was the doctor here, and Jim burped in his face.
“Sorry Bones.” The comment was ignored as Bones was sniffing. More than a little grossed out, Jim asked. “Like my new perfume?”
“Doesn’t smell like food, so change your clothes.”
With a sigh, Jim did as he was told and ignored the medical scanner whirring around him. Once he was changed, he waited until Bones said something before sitting down. He didn’t really want Bones to know how bad off he was!
“Don’t bother sitting down, it’s straight to the proctology stool for you.”
“Is that necessary?”
As if by magic, a hypo appeared in Bones’ hand. An unvoiced question, asking if Jim wanted to go easy or hard.
“Okay, I’m going.” Pants down, and ass hiked in the air, Jim waited for Bones’ speech about taking care of himself and eating better. Instead there was a long enough silence that Jim had to break it or go crazy. “What’s got your attention back there?”
“The first time I met you I had a hunch you’d make life interesting, but this is ridiculous.” Bones was spreading Jim as he spoke, with something metallic and cold.
“Tell me what’s wrong so I won’t do it again.” Jim thought it was a reasonable statement, but a sudden pain made him gasp before he could get an answer. The spreading stopped and Jim heard the dermal regenerator start up. It wasn’t on for very long before it was set aside. Jim felt like Bones was scraping at something in there, and the stretcher shrank to be pulled out. Jim took a deep breath before he realized he’d been holding his breath.
“Okay Jim, apparently you need lecture 42 again.”
“There are better ways to test for food allergies than feeding things to Chekov?”
“No, that’s lecture 142. 42 is researching a species before you fuck it.”
“I always thought that one should have been higher on the list.”
“There in chronological order, not importance, and you wasted that first year at the academy on things other than sex.”
“What was I thinking?” Jim asked with as much shock and innocence as he could muster, thoroughly deserving the smack on the ass Bones gave him.
“I don’t know who you were messing with, but he, I’m assuming it was a he and not a she with an object, stretched you too quickly. Not enough to damage you permanently, nothing I couldn’t fix. Except, and here’s the part where my lectures get proven true, he capped you.”
“He what?”
“That’s it, I’m starting you on a educational program! Biological and reproductive facts of a new species every day, tests once a week. Fail a test and I use my medical authority to relieve you of command.”
“And while you plan the curriculum, can I get off this stupid chair?”
“Like you can sit with a wad of wax up there!”
“Wax?” Jim twisted his torso to see if Bones was joking.
Bones was amused, but he wasn’t joking. “Some promiscuous species produce a wax like substance. After ejaculating, they squirt this wax to block the vagina so other sperm can’t get to the egg. Some Earth whales do this, but I really hope you weren’t with a whale.”
“No whales, but maybe there were two different species involved.”
“Lord!”
“How do you know all this stuff anyway?”
“Because I’m a pervert. But compared to you, I’m only a tiny pervert.”
“Funny. Now can you get rid of the wax?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“It would help if I had a species to start with.”
“The big one who knotted, looked like a shag carpet over a round body. The capper was grey, with a big head.”
“Jim, I say this with all love and respect. Get the hell out of my Sick bay!”
“I’ve been good for a long time!”
“Only because you were…” Bones trailed off, his right eyebrow rising as his left eye squinted. The left half of his mouth curled into a smile as his head crooked to the right.
Panic coiled into up and settled in for a long stay in Jim’s stomach. “Bones, what are you thinking?”
“Just figuring out how to fix you this time. Go lay down, and take yourself off your next shift.”
“Come on Bones, explain that look!”
“Go away, I’ve got work to do!” Bones stomped out, leaving Jim to get off the chair.
By the time Jim changed, Bones was deep in his research. Worried enough to sweat, Jim retreated from the mad scientist hidden in his friend. He could trust Bones with his life, right?
Chapter 2
Author: Trista_zevkia
Chapter: 1/2
Fandom: 2009 movie
Characters/Pairing: Jim/Spock
Trope: first time, matchmaker McCoy
Rating: PG-17
Warnings: SLASH knotting, group sex with aliens and capping.
Summary: There are weirder things out there then knotting. Trust Jim to find them, and expect Bones to fix it!
Disclaimer: All this happened, more or less
Author's Notes: For chimera ally 's birthday. I hope she forgives me for offering this as a gift, but science is fascinating!;)
Jim’s eyes were open, so he figured he hadn’t actually passed out, but he had no idea where he was or what he was doing! And he was doing lots of things, and while his eyes looked for light, he tried to figure it out. Stretched out on his left side his hands were over his head and, milking a squishy cow? Farm boy that he was, Jim knew cows got cranky when the milking process was interrupted, so he kept up the motion. The pounding in his head wouldn’t be helped by a hoof to the head!
Whatever he was licking was rough, with deep groves but tasted like mangos. The juice was probably keeping his tongue from getting dry, so he kept licking as he took in his situation. Something was wrapped around his dick, something soft and cool. He was aroused, but this thing wasn’t moving or doing anything to finish him off. Why would he be trying to have sex with one of the jell packs they used for transporting fragile goods? While milking a cow and licking a mango?
Jim would have sworn he was on his side, on a rough, unyielding surface, but why would there be a carpet against his back? A carpet pushing something sizable in his ass? And his eyes weren’t much help in this darkness, so Jim stopped licking to shake his head in an effort to clear it.
“Human whore, do not desist!”
The mango was talking to him? Talking in the universal voice of a being about to be denied an orgasm. Oh hell, he was having sex with groups of aliens again! Not a good sign, but he wasn’t bound, so he must have agreed to it at some point. Best way out of it was a happy ending, so Jim went back to licking the mango. When he found a nub that made to mango cry out, Jim sucked on it. He was rewarded with a mouthful of mango juice, refreshing enough that he swallowed it as the mango was removed.
Milking the squishy cow was awkward at this angle, because he was definitely on his side. Crooking his right leg around the jell pack on his dick, Jim held that creature to him and angled toward his stomach. The carpet rolled with him, but liked this new position, if the increase in speed was anything to go by. Now he could put the two long nipples of the cow he was milking in one hand. While his left hand continued to milk, the right hand found the ends to rub together.
The carpet was pounding into him, completely missing the prostate with a short but thick penis, but it also shoved the jell pack into the surface under them. The jell pack was warming up, providing him with a pleasant sensation a last. A shriek brought his attention back to his hands, which were being covered in fluid. As the squishy cow slipped away, Jim brought his gooey right hand to grab the ass of the carpet behind him. At least he hoped he was squeezing an ass, it was so hard to tell on a roll of carpet.
Squeezing some carpet and being thrust into, Jim tried to enjoy this. Get lost in the sensations instead of thinking about things. He’d mostly succeeded, since he really liked sex and could go for it almost anywhere, when the jell pack tightened and cooled off. Jim clenched everything against the sudden chill, and felt the carpet finish inside of him. The jell pack eased off, but the carpet was still hard inside him. Jim was left without stimulation and a hard-on.
“Human whore, I wish to see you finish before I pay.” The deep voice of the mango was calm now, having received its happy ending.
Jim didn’t know why he was getting paid, but the mango’s request fit in with his desire for a happy ending. Rolling onto his back put the carpet under him, as it hadn’t softened yet, but Jim just closed his eyes and pretended he was on a deep, plush rug. Since he was pretending, it was easy to pretend that it wasn’t the mango watching, but a certain half alien with a deep voice. Pretend that Spock would watch Jim masturbate on a nice rug, and think dirty thoughts in his giant brain. Maybe Spock would pull out his top-secret Vulcan penis, stoking himself so that he came with Jim, on Jim!
The image had Jim arching up as he came, but the carpet moved with him, swelling even more inside him. Collapsing back down on the carpet, Jim felt empty, even with his anus stuffed. Seeing Spock’s cock was only a pipe dream after all.
“Magnificent!” The mango was apparently pleased with his show. “You have won your bets.”
“Bets?” Jim latched onto the word, as winning a bet was much better then whoring. Wasn’t it? Jim opened his eyes, and closed them against the assault of light.
“10,000 credits for taking us all.” A clinking noise made Jim squint and look. Credits were being dumped into the beer glass he’d been drinking out of. There were already a bunch in there.
“I will pay after I soften.” Spoke a fuzzy voice under Jim, confirming what he suspected about the carpet.
“10,000 credits for finishing last.” More clinking, and Jim looked at the mango putting them in. About seven feet tall, the alien’s knee was damp and glowing. Apparently the mango people kept their genitalia in their knees. He’d have to remember that if he ever had to fight one of them.
“I thought I had you on that one, but you beat me.” A feminine voice, but somehow Jim knew it was the jell pack speaking. “I’ve never enjoyed losing more.”
More credits clanked into the glass, and the gelatinous female began to move toward the door. A short being with a squid for a head, thrust its face into Jim’s view. Jim guessed it was his squishy cow.
“My people have a taboo against what you did, rubbing the ends together.” The mechanical voice came through a translator pendent, so Jim didn’t know which sex might be about to start beating on him.
With a carpet knotted up in him, his defense options were limited. “I didn’t know that.”
“It was wonderful, and I shall teach my people your technique.”
“That sounds nice.” Jim tried to look pleased as he said it.
“Human Jim’s masturbation method will be very popular.” The alien dropped its credits, and squished away.
All Jim could think of to say to that was ‘please don’t let Bones hear about that!’ He kept his mouth shut.
“I too shall tell my people the wonders of having sex with humans.” The carpet added, not really helping matters. “So open to new things. We would never copulate without planning for pregnancy, but using other males negates that need.”
“Not all humans are quite as open as I am.” Jim offered while looking around. The back room of a seedy bar, a room reserved for illegal, high stakes games. They’d been playing a card game, so how had Jim wound up with carpet burn on his back?
“The grey one spent all night trying to make you angry, but you only fought back when he challenged you. Are all humans like that?”
“No. Some anger easily, some run from challenges.” The grey one wasn’t much of a description, but it was triggering Jim’s memory. Large grey head, large eyes, tiny mouth.
“Humans all have sex though?”
“Most, I can’t speak for everybody.” And after convincing a bunch of aliens your species were the sluts of the galaxy, who would feel like explaining monks, nuns and abstinence? “The grey one started this then?”
“You emptied his pockets during the game. He bet 2,000 credits he had a longer reproductive organ. You laughed, he upped the stakes. 4,000 credits that you couldn’t fit his arousal in you. You doubled down, and needed another better. Most of us would not go for it, thinking you were only trying to call his bluff. But then you shared that bottle with us. Now you are considerably richer, though you do not seem to remember it.”
“Yeah, it was that moonshine I was drinking. A birthday gift from an engineer in need of a beating.”
“May I have more of it before you beat him?”
“Sorry man, that stuff’s too powerful to be unleashed on the universe.” Especially in the hands of a being who’s just discovered the joys of homosexual and interspecies sex, Jim thought but didn’t say. Probably not a good idea to piss off the guy stuck in your rectum, at least not too much. “This grey guy left?”
“He finished first, and I believe he left without paying the 20,000 credits.”
“Still made a good haul tonight.” Money he’d give to some charity, with a prayer that none of his partners would connect him with Starfleet!
“Yes, stay positive Diamond Jim.”
Jim winced, nothing good ever happened when he went by that alias!
“The grey one will get his due in the end.”
“Wait, you said I doubled down to get you involved. So where exactly did the grey one fit into all this?”
“He started it all.” The carpet was confused, thinking he’d just said that.
“I mean, where did I copulate with him, in relation to body placement?”
“Ah! The same hole I am in. Though he was longer than I and shorter than you, he was much smaller around and I barely felt him.”
Jim closed his eyes a silently swore the worst words he knew. “As long as it didn’t bother you.”
“I enjoyed the idea, and wish to try it again.” The carpet made a noise that sounded curious to Jim. “Have you someone nearby who would join us?”
Eyes still closed, Jim reminded himself about not pissing off the guy stuck in his rectum. If he pulled out before softening, he could seriously hurt Jim. “I thought you were done?”
“If my glans is stimulated while grown like it is, it will need release again. With another rubbing against me within you, we could stay here until I need to feed again.” The carpet was trying to be seductive as he said this, bringing his hands up to stroke Jim’s naked body.
“And when do you need to feed again?”
“Seven days if I am not very active, but around you I may only last three days.”
“Well, that is quite a complement, but I have an appointment.”
“I am wealthy, if that’s what it takes.”
“It’s tempting, three days of sex, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t break this appointment.” Some appointment, returning to his ship with more than his tail tucked between his legs!
“Pity. Perhaps I should sleep now. I will soften faster, but you will have no one to talk to.”
“That’s okay. I could use some sleep too.”
“Perhaps you should stay awake and consider this offer.” The carpet’s fuzzy hands moved to stroke Jim’s cock, to better emphasizes his point. “If you could take two of me, I would install you on my ship. My all male crew would keep you in a state of constant arousal. You would revolutionize space travel for my people, be a hero to us all!”
The words didn’t hide the swelling in the carpet’s knot, and Jim had to force himself to relax with it. Grabbing the alien’s roaming hands, Jim folded them up across his chest and held them there. “You go to sleep, so I can consider your offer with a clear head.”
The carpet gave a purring noise that Jim took as pleased, and said no more.
Even with his head pounding out the hangover symphony on kettle drums, Jim could reject the offer. Years ago, a lonely boy in Iowa might have accepted, but he’d changed since then. He’d found a use for the intellect that made him an outsider there. He’d earned some of the highest honors around, including command of the Enterprise. There was only one honor he couldn’t get, the same one that had him celebrating his birthday alone. Spock respected him, but nothing more.
A year and a half after he split with Uhura, and Spock hadn’t touched anybody! After that first half year, Jim decided Vulcans didn’t do rebound sex, and set out to get Spock for himself. Not the first thing Jim had failed at, but the most spectacular so far. And apparently, that idiotic, lonely farm boy who would have considered the job as a sex toy was making a comeback. What was the point of growing up if you were more alone than ever?
He’d taken his birthday hooch and hit the planet for 12 hours of R&R, hoping to forget about Spock. He’d found the game in under an hour, but hoped it had taken longer than that to talk them into an orgy. Iowa Jim was good at interspecies sex, and getting people to pay him for it. Diamond Jim gambled until he won or lost everything, and Iowa Jim was needed to seduce his way out of it. He was doing his best to be Spock’s Jim, and coming up short. Maybe he really should consider the carpet’s offer!
Thinking about the carpet, Jim concentrated on the feeling in his ass. The carpet was still big, but it didn’t feel too big. Hoping for the best, Jim put his feet on either side of the carpet, knees bent, and pushed. A moment of friction, but he came off without any pain or waking the carpet. Jim threw himself into a roll off the carpet, who grunted behind him. Free at last, Jim grabbed his civilian clothes and dressed.
He grabbed the money, not wanting the carpet to wonder why he left it or try to look for him. The communicator was still safely stored in a pocket, but Jim decided to leave the bar before he called so nobody would connect him to this location. As a last thought, Jim grabbed the bottle he’d brought, hoping the recipe would never be duplicated. His ass hurt, protesting each step, otherwise Jim would have run out of the bar. He didn’t care so much about his dignity so much as getting away from Iowa Jim!
Jim had beamed up four hours before his leave was up, so Bones wasn’t waiting with his bag of tricks. Instead, Jim had made do with the hangover treatment stashed in his quarters, a shower and some sleep. Another shower, a gallon of coffee, and he’d made it to the bridge for his shift. Everyone was accounted for, all back from the short R&R, so they broke orbit. In charted Federation space they were as safe as they got, so Jim was bored. He hoped to subtly nap in his chair, but he couldn’t get comfortable.
He paced around the bridge but wasn’t able to get settled when he tired of walking. Shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek, Jim tried to find the words to describe how he felt. Still sore from being stretched, but also full. Perhaps he was constipated? Not a pleasant subject but an important one. He’d had a light meal on the ship before going down to the planet, but hadn’t eaten on the planet before finding the game. No breakfast today, and lunch time was almost here and he still wasn’t hungry.
He should go see Bones, but wasn’t the perfect time to diet when you had no appetite? Almost convinced this is what Bones would want, Jim decided to wait. He skipped lunch and paced around the bridge until about two hours before the end of alpha shift. His stomach rumbled for a while, but he still wasn’t hungry. When the burping started, it wasn’t too bad, nut it increased in frequency. An hour before end of shift, he burped with every other breath and tasted acid.
Jim admitted something was wrong, and he needed to suck it up and see Bones. Then he was going to puke on every carpet he saw for the rest of his life. “Mr. Spock, you have the con.”
“Aye Sir.”
The speed of Spock’s response made Jim suspect Spock knew he wasn’t feeling well but instead of asking, Jim got in the turbolift. When he entered sick bay, Bones looked up and nudged Chapel. She looked and rolled her eyes.
“What’s going on?” Jim asked, even though his instincts said he didn’t want to know.
“Christine said you wouldn’t need our services after only twelve hours of R&R, I thought you might.”
“And how much was your thinking worth?”
Bones shrugged, but Chapel answered while blushing a little. “Five credits for you showing up, another five for what’s wrong.”
“Then you don’t owe Bones any money, because it’s not an STD.”
“Damn it.” McCoy muttered. “Then what is it?”
“Constipation.” Jim said in a much softer voice than the one that declared him STD free.
“Pack enough up you rectum, it can lead to that.” Bones said with just a little too much enthusiasm.
“But it still doesn’t qualify as an STD, Doctor.” Chapel cut in, clearly not wanting to part with her credits.
“Fine. You keep at this, I’ll figure out what is wrong with our fearless leader.” Bones started for the private areas of sick bay and Jim followed.
Jim wasn’t surprised to see the paper clothing of medical set out for him. “I’m just a little bound up, I don’t need a full exam for that.”
Bones turned, doubtless to remind Jim who was the doctor here, and Jim burped in his face.
“Sorry Bones.” The comment was ignored as Bones was sniffing. More than a little grossed out, Jim asked. “Like my new perfume?”
“Doesn’t smell like food, so change your clothes.”
With a sigh, Jim did as he was told and ignored the medical scanner whirring around him. Once he was changed, he waited until Bones said something before sitting down. He didn’t really want Bones to know how bad off he was!
“Don’t bother sitting down, it’s straight to the proctology stool for you.”
“Is that necessary?”
As if by magic, a hypo appeared in Bones’ hand. An unvoiced question, asking if Jim wanted to go easy or hard.
“Okay, I’m going.” Pants down, and ass hiked in the air, Jim waited for Bones’ speech about taking care of himself and eating better. Instead there was a long enough silence that Jim had to break it or go crazy. “What’s got your attention back there?”
“The first time I met you I had a hunch you’d make life interesting, but this is ridiculous.” Bones was spreading Jim as he spoke, with something metallic and cold.
“Tell me what’s wrong so I won’t do it again.” Jim thought it was a reasonable statement, but a sudden pain made him gasp before he could get an answer. The spreading stopped and Jim heard the dermal regenerator start up. It wasn’t on for very long before it was set aside. Jim felt like Bones was scraping at something in there, and the stretcher shrank to be pulled out. Jim took a deep breath before he realized he’d been holding his breath.
“Okay Jim, apparently you need lecture 42 again.”
“There are better ways to test for food allergies than feeding things to Chekov?”
“No, that’s lecture 142. 42 is researching a species before you fuck it.”
“I always thought that one should have been higher on the list.”
“There in chronological order, not importance, and you wasted that first year at the academy on things other than sex.”
“What was I thinking?” Jim asked with as much shock and innocence as he could muster, thoroughly deserving the smack on the ass Bones gave him.
“I don’t know who you were messing with, but he, I’m assuming it was a he and not a she with an object, stretched you too quickly. Not enough to damage you permanently, nothing I couldn’t fix. Except, and here’s the part where my lectures get proven true, he capped you.”
“He what?”
“That’s it, I’m starting you on a educational program! Biological and reproductive facts of a new species every day, tests once a week. Fail a test and I use my medical authority to relieve you of command.”
“And while you plan the curriculum, can I get off this stupid chair?”
“Like you can sit with a wad of wax up there!”
“Wax?” Jim twisted his torso to see if Bones was joking.
Bones was amused, but he wasn’t joking. “Some promiscuous species produce a wax like substance. After ejaculating, they squirt this wax to block the vagina so other sperm can’t get to the egg. Some Earth whales do this, but I really hope you weren’t with a whale.”
“No whales, but maybe there were two different species involved.”
“Lord!”
“How do you know all this stuff anyway?”
“Because I’m a pervert. But compared to you, I’m only a tiny pervert.”
“Funny. Now can you get rid of the wax?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“It would help if I had a species to start with.”
“The big one who knotted, looked like a shag carpet over a round body. The capper was grey, with a big head.”
“Jim, I say this with all love and respect. Get the hell out of my Sick bay!”
“I’ve been good for a long time!”
“Only because you were…” Bones trailed off, his right eyebrow rising as his left eye squinted. The left half of his mouth curled into a smile as his head crooked to the right.
Panic coiled into up and settled in for a long stay in Jim’s stomach. “Bones, what are you thinking?”
“Just figuring out how to fix you this time. Go lay down, and take yourself off your next shift.”
“Come on Bones, explain that look!”
“Go away, I’ve got work to do!” Bones stomped out, leaving Jim to get off the chair.
By the time Jim changed, Bones was deep in his research. Worried enough to sweat, Jim retreated from the mad scientist hidden in his friend. He could trust Bones with his life, right?
Chapter 2
