Merrily, Merrily, part 2

From the lack of food and water, Hogan suspected they planned on killing him eventually. It was a pleasant surprise when he was dragged to a truck instead. Killing him in the building and removing his body under the cover of darkness would have been more efficient and the Nazis were all about efficiency. When they dragged him out of the truck, he was too happy to see Stalag 13 to worry about the difficulty he was having walking. They dropped him in the floor of Klink’s office and Hogan watched the exchange of paperwork.

The Gestapo was leaving him with some Luftwaffe major he didn’t recognize, but this was defiantly Klink’s office. Klink must have been pretty bad off to still be in the hospital, Hogan thought then realized he didn’t know how long he had been with the Gestapo. Fighting his way back to his feet was really hard, considering Hogan didn’t think anything was broken, but he was in a sitting position when two guards entered the office. The major pointed dramatically at Hogan on the floor, like there was anybody else he could be referring to.

“Thirty days in the cooler for attempted escape.”

The guards offered salutes before trying to pick Hogan up. He didn’t help; he was too busy wondering where Shultz was in all this. At least Shultz could be counted on to tell his men he was back. Thinking of his men gave Hogan the strength to at least try and walk as they hauled him to the cooler, so anyone who saw them wouldn’t think the Gestapo had won. Out of the Major’s eyesight, the guards slowed down to let Hogan walk easier. When they eased him onto the hard bed in solitary, Hogan got a chance to grin at them, recognizing them at last.

“Karl, Heinz, where’s Shultz?”              

“The Major caught him sleeping on duty and assigned him to patrol the woods.”

“Where’s Klink?”

“Still in the hospital, unconscious last we heard. Why did you save him?”

“That’s what the Gestapo wanted to know. If I’d know it would piss them off so much, I would have done it a lot sooner.” Karl snorted a laugh, but Heinz only gaped at Hogan.

“Colonel Hogan, you should be more careful! The Gestapo has ears everywhere.”

“Even here?” Now Karl and Heinz turned suspicious eyes on each other and Hogan had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. “Kidding guys, I don’t think either of you are Gestapo. But you should get back to your posts before the Major notices you’re gone.”

“Yes, sir.” Snappy salutes followed their words, before they turned to leave the cooler. As the door locked behind them, Hogan wondered at that. Klink could have these men transferred to a fighting post where they were far more likely to be killed, and they were still more respectful to Hogan. They weren’t even trained to accept the prisoner’s strange activities like Shultz, they just accepted Hogan as a leader. It was something Hogan had known all his life, but Klink would never know. Hogan really wanted to pace, warm up and get these thoughts out of his head, but he didn’t think his legs could support him.

Sighing heavily, Hogan heard the signal tapped on the wall. Giving the all clear, he grinned as LeBeau emerged from the tunnel. Newkirk handed LeBeau a tray and watched as the Frenchman served Hogan. The thick broth and soft bread was all Hogan’s stomach could handle after days without food. He ate slowly and relished it as LeBeau told him of what had been happening while he was gone. LeBeau kept up a steady stream of chatter, even after all the food was gone. Newkirk had to interrupt to point out that they had ten minutes until evening roll call. After promising an excellent breakfast, LeBeau had closed the hidden entrance behind him. Stretching out and attempting to get warm and comfortable enough to sleep, Hogan found strange dreams to occupy himself.

It started as a memory, the summer when he was ten years old when he had run across a field with screaming behind him. He had hated being called Robbie even then but everybody in his hometown still called him that. Paul was a neighbor’s kid, smart, shy and awkward as he turned fourteen. The local bullies loved to pick on him but never where adults could see. They had no such problems being bullies in front of Robbie, however, and he found he didn’t like them. Four of them, all sixteen or older, so Robbie knew he couldn’t fight them physically. They had managed to get invitations to Paul’s birthday party by sucking up to his parents and Robbie saw his chance.

Innocent looks and carefully chosen words and Robbie talked all four of them into taking the shortcut to Paul’s party. The whole county knew to avoid Farmer Kent’s bull but they had followed Robbie over that fence anyway. He was small and quick, less of a target for the enraged bull. He had made it to Paul’s party just a few minutes late, while the four of them had made their way to the hospital. When they got out, Paul was forgotten as they sought revenge on Robbie. By the time Robbie had turned fourteen, he could take all four of them in a straight fight and Paul had a full scholarship to college.

At his high school graduation party, Paul had taken Robbie aside. He was still shy and had blushed heavily as he thanked Robbie for getting the bullies off his back. Admitted he didn’t think he would have gotten such good grades if he still had to worry about getting beaten all the time. Robbie had patted him on the shoulder, and told him to use his brains to make the world a better place. They had gone back to the party, but now when they turned Klink was standing there. He was in full uniform and without the monocle he looked almost military as he studied the people before him.

“Interesting memory, Colonel Hogan.” The rest of the party froze as Klink circled Hogan. “You are proud of this incident, even though those bullies could have been killed. Or did you consider bullies being killed by a bull a fitting punishment?”

“I was a kid, I didn’t know about death!”

“You know about death now, yet you still risk the lives of your men. You are prisoners and if you accepted that you would be safe.”

“It’s war, nobody’s safe!”

“Much like your friend Paul, some people aren’t even safe during peacetime. Do you still hope to protect such people?”

“If I can. I like to help.”

“A wise answer, Rob.” Klink turned to look at Paul and then walked behind him. Looking over Paul’s shoulder, the military bearing was gone as Wilhelm looked at Hogan. “I wish someone found me worth protecting.”

Hogan reached to comfort Klink and the Kommandant exploded, coating the graduation party with blood. Jerking awake, Hogan considered the inside of the cooler as he tried to figure out what that had been about. He ran it over in his mind to keep the details from fading away as dreams tended to do. When the guards woke him up by sliding bread and water into the room, Hogan realized he had fallen asleep at some point and the dream was now beyond his grasp. Eating the bread was a warm up for the breakfast LeBeau had promised after morning roll call, but it wasn’t interesting enough to keep his mind busy.

So Klink desired him, happened all the time and Hogan was willing to use it to his advantage. Or maybe he wasn’t, at least not against Klink. He didn’t need to; for one thing, he could get Klink to do most anything without seducing him. Unless it was his manipulations that were seducing Klink, because it almost sounded like Klink You come to me and take what you want and I let you knew he was being used! Like Klink, the biggest idiot in the third Reich, kiss me and I swear to believe everything you say, no matter how outrageous, wanted to be whatever Hogan needed him to be!

And yes, Hogan used Klink as a shield between him and the more competent members of the German army, I don’t know all the things you get up to, but I know they would kill you if they knew what I know, but for cowardly Klink to accept that role? It wasn’t like him at all, to put somebody else above his own interests, was it? Wounded Klink had been open, honest and trusting in a way that was death in Hitler’s Germany, but it still had to be an act. A lie to get Hogan to help him to a hospital, except that would mean that Klink was hiding a devious mind. Klink was many things, and even though he tried to be, he wasn’t devious or cruel.

Mostly, Klink was scared, afraid of what he was and what would happen to him if that knowledge got out. What if he really was hiding I was resigned to a life alone, lying about who I was who he was because of that fear? Not just the homosexual bit, but the nice guy who had to be reminded that he was in charge. A guy, who like Hogan, retreated behind the command structure when things got personal. A sad man, convinced love between men is impossible he would be alone for his entire life, a feeling emphasized by people who didn’t have to pay attention to the rules. People, like Robert Hogan, who you make the impossible work for you all the time forced reality to do their bidding.

LeBeau climbed thru the entrance and flipped his scarf over his shoulder before taking the food tray from Newkirk. Hogan was annoyed at the interruption to his thoughts and sounded more than a little snappish when he spoke.

“LeBeau, you didn’t wait for the all clear.”

“Sorry, mon colonel, but we signaled five times without getting any sort of response.” LeBeau set the tray next to Hogan and filled him in on camp gossip while he ate. Hogan had a hard time paying attention, as his thoughts wanted to return to Klink for some reason. He frowned at his thoughts and felt LeBeau grip his arm. “Are you sure you don’t need to see Wilson? I know you said you didn’t but you seem distracted.”

“While you go out to work on the road, I get to luxuriate in my private room. What more could I possible want?”

“Funny, mon colonel, but you are not acting right.”

“Isolation gives you strange dreams, don’t worry about me. I’ll sleep the day away and be fine!” Hogan grinned at LeBeau to enforce his words and LeBeau slowly accepted them. “Just let me know if Hochstetter or Klink turn up.”

“Yes, sir.” LeBeau grinned and collected the tray. “We shall also continue to serve you fabulous meals without any hopes of receiving thanks.”

Hogan grinned at LeBeau’s retreating back. “Thanks, Louis, it was the best omelet I’ve had this entire war.”

The grin disappeared as the tunnel entrance closed and Hogan’s thoughts returned to the situation with Klink. Maybe, what was weighing on his mind wasn’t the fact that Klink desired him; maybe it was his reaction that confused him. Hogan was a saboteur, and spy. Being sneaky and in control were the keys to surviving this job. So why had Klink’s confession robbed him of words? Why had he tried to avoid hearing the information that could be so useful to his mission? He should have been thinking of ways to use it! Klink was only a tool that Hogan used to win, and Hogan didn’t care about the feelings of a wrench!

But, Klink was human and he did care about people. Since ten year old Robbie noticed injustice in the world, he had cared. Klink was everything Hogan wasn’t, and Klink needed Hogan to be complete. Hogan didn’t need Klink! Did not need somebody following him around, telling him how wonderful he was. Except Klink wasn’t doing that. He was trying to protect Hogan and put Hogan’s needs before his own. That wasn’t fleeting lust, it was emotions and caring and crap Hogan tended to avoid like the plague. He could fake it, and take what he wanted, but he was tired of faking. He wanted to be a nice guy, instead of a liar and scoundrel, but he couldn’t get away from his need to be in control. Could Klink actually be the one person in the universe who saw Hogan as he was and still wanted him?

Hogan’s legs wobbled but held after his food and rest, so he started pacing. He was absolutely not getting exited, and there was no way in hell he was interested in Klink! Guys had sex all the time, stress relief and companionship, that wasn’t a big deal. But to chose to spend your life with a fawning, inept, balding weasel and his monocle? If he was going to get all emotional, shouldn’t it be for one of his guys? Newkirk’s hands were extremely skilled, LeBeau’s caring nature was seductive in its own way and Carter’s unbridled enthusiasm would liven up an evening. And Kinch? On those rare occasions when he got drunk enough to get rid of his inhibitions, his large hands and mustache took on a supernatural quality in the dark tunnels.

Hogan sat back on the bunk and put his elbows on his knees so he could bury his face in his hands. What made Klink different than the men Hogan worked with, lived with and respected? Klink saw him, not the uniform. Klink needed him, where the guys would have wonderful lives after peacetime pulled them apart. Klink desired him for more than sexual gratification. Klink loved him, even as he suspected Hogan would be the death of him someday. That was a seductive combination, and maybe Hogan I care, Klink, in my own special way kept Klink around for more than his unwitting help on missions. Flopping down on the bed, Hogan threw an arm over his eyes. Thirty days in the cooler would be enough to convince himself he wasn’t actually interested in Klink!

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Six days alone in the cooler and Hogan was still trying to find a way to lay on the bed that wouldn’t make him hurt. It was about an hour after evening roll call when Newkirk popped his head into the tunnel exit.

“Evenin’ govn’r. Karl just brought back Klink’s staff car. For some strange reason, he brought Klink back with it.” Newkirk shrugged his confusion. “No accountin’ for taste, I suppose.”

“Newkirk, why do you hate Klink so much? Is it just because he’s German or is it his general incompetence?” Hogan wasn’t sure who was surprised more at his question, him or Newkirk.

Newkirk had to think about it for a long moment before answering, so he pulled out and lit a cigarette. “I don’t hate him, really. It’s just that he’s such an easy target, I find myself aiming for him. He creates so much crap; I don’t even feel like a bully when I take him down a peg. I think if he faced reality a little more, he might almost be a decent guy.”

“What if not facing reality is the only thing keeping him alive?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Something he said before he knocked himself out has been bothering me. Maybe Klink knows himself more than we give him credit for. Maybe the only hope he has of being happy is to ignore reality. What do you think of that?”

“I think that if I was Klink,” Newkirk took and let out a long drag before continuing, “I’d be sure my one chance of happiness would be lost. I don’t think I’d have the courage to reach for it, and consider death a reasonable alternative. But there’s no telling what goes thru Klink’s mind.”

“So his dreams are the only thing keeping him alive?”

“I suppose, why?”

If he killed Klink’s dreams, for whatever reason, no matter how noble in his mind, he might as well put a bullet in the man’s head. It would be kinder, anyway. Hogan heard Klink’s voice as he confessed in the shelter of the barn. So many words and almost as many emotions, and all of it true! Newkirk’s voice brought Hogan back to the cooler.

“Sir? Do you need something?”

“Just don’t lock the entrance behind you. Goodnight Newkirk.”

“Goodnight, Sir.”

Hogan wasn’t even sure of why he had given that command, until he got up a half hour later and entered the tunnel. Sliding the stove in the living room of Klink’s quarters out of his way, Hogan shivered in the sudden warmth. He had gotten used to the chill of the cooler, and now felt cold. With his hands deep in his pockets, Hogan slipped quietly toward the bedroom. Klink was staring at a glass of schnapps in his hand, like he was considering drowning himself in it. His need was so great, he was so lost and alone that Hogan had to do something to make it right. It was pity, and only pity, Hogan told himself as he walked over and took the schnapps to steady himself.

“That’ll help me warm up, thanks.” Hogan kicked his shoes off as he sat next to Klink, who finally found his words.

“Hogan! Get back to your barracks this minute!”

“Normally I would, you know how I love following orders. But everybody would get in trouble if I was in my bunk come morning. How’s your head?”

“The headache won’t go away, but the doctors think I’m faking.” Klink reached up to rub at his forehead, and Hogan wondered what Klink’s skin felt like. “Wait! Why would there be trouble if you were in your bunk?”

A touch on the wounded forehead, a massage to see if he could desire Klink. Even horny and blind, Hogan didn’t think he could have pity sex with someone he hated. Moving to surround the lanky man with his body, Hogan had to fight back a startled yelp when Klink’s hands landed on his thighs. Klink’s eyes were impossibly wide and it was rather disconcerting, so Hogan turned his face away.

 “Hogan, your hands are like ice!”

“Yeah, the cold might help your headache. If not, they’ll warm up shortly. I didn’t have my gloves on me when your replacement sent me to the cooler.”

“Why did he send you to the cooler?” Klink’s voice was dreamy, as if he wasn’t concerned with his words. He also didn’t sound like he knew Hogan had found him and taken him to the hospital. So whatever Klink did tonight wasn’t a thank you. Or Hogan could leave now, and let this just be one of Klink’s dreams, before things got any further.

“Because he could. That’s why I didn’t visit you in the hospital, so I hope you weren’t disappointed.” Hogan blinked at his words; that wasn’t him making excuses and leaving!

“Hogan, is this a dream?” It took Hogan a minute to answer, because he was no longer sure. Klink’s confession had poked a hole in Hogan’s own carefully constructed dam of emotions and wants. Now he was fighting a current of emotions he couldn’t even name. Rowing, gently down the stream, without a boat.

“Life is but a dream, Wili, so you can call me Rob.” Get names and rank out of the picture, and he might see what was going on, Hogan thought.

“In dreams you are Rob, but I can’t imagine being Wili in this or any life.” The sorrow in Klink’s voice was too much to handle. A new desire to protect Wili, even from himself overwhelmed Hogan. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but he had to make that pain go away.

“Wili, I don’t think you’re going to believe me, but what I am about to tell you is true. Even skilled people can get lonely.” Klink’s breath hitched and Rob knew he was on the right track. “I can talk people into doing almost anything, but the most seductive thing I ever heard came from you. You said that you saw my manipulations and still wanted me. Most people get close enough to see that part of me and leave, but you understand it’s part of me. I’ve searched my whole life for that kind of acceptance, and I can’t let you get away just because we are enemies.”

 “Beautiful words, my dream.” With a sigh, Wili was leaning back and Hogan hugged him to his chest. Klink could only accept this as a dream, but Rob thought he knew a few tricks that might make it a memorable dream. “Your hands have warmed up.”

“So they have.” Making his way to his feet, Hogan started taking off his clothes. He couldn’t have pity sex, but he could have sex with somebody he actually cared for. Wili was staring at him with surprise, desire and fear, strangely afraid of this dream. The real Hogan would insult him, so Rob went with that, and threw in a little innuendo. “I’ve often laughed at the old fashioned nightgown you wear, with the pointed little hat, but I finally understand its appeal.”

Wili had to swallow a couple of times before he could speak. “What appeal?”

“Easy access.”

“Easy…” The confused Klink Hogan knew was trying to come out, but desire was distracting them both. Pushing Wili’s back onto the bed, Rob let his other hand see if Wili was really interested. He was very interested and still couldn’t believe this was happening. It was strange how kissing could be more personal than what his hand was doing to Wili, but Rob wanted this to be personal. Kissing Wili was unexpectedly nice, warm and responsive as he made tiny moans of appreciation. Wili seemed afraid to touch Rob, his hands grasping at the air between them. Rob moved down to Wili’s throat and moved his shoulders into Wili’s grasp. Tentatively, Wili’s hands started stroking Rob, until they grabbed the muscles. Wili came with a loud gasp, apparently too far gone to even give voice to his joy.

 “I guess you like that.” Rob couldn’t help being proud of making Wili so happy with just a hand job, but he really hoped Wili wasn’t as bad at sex as he was at everything else. A man had to have some standards if there was any hope for whatever this turned out to be.

“Lay on your back.” Rob had to look at Wili, to make sure that forceful command issued from him. Rob rolled off his side and onto his back, curious as to what Wili had in mind. The tongue that licked the head of Rob’s penis wasn’t hesitant or afraid. It was skilled and made Rob squirm as it worked its way down, bringing the moist warmth of a mouth with it. Occasionally, there was hardness in that mouth, like Wili’s hands were getting in the way of the mouth, but Rob was too close to losing his mind to figure out the technical details. When the wet, slender object entered his butthole, Rob’s remaining control was on keeping his voice quiet. It would be so bad to be caught like this, by anybody, but a second finger had Rob biting his own hand. Few people had been up there, so Wili shouldn’t know the exact spot to rub to kill Rob’s brain cells. Then there was hardness in Rob’s pubic hair and contracting muscles on his penis and the taste of copper in his mouth as he came. 

Trying to regain his breath, Rob felt Wili sprawl across him. The gentle touch of Wili’s fingers was nice, and completely different than the last hands that had touched Rob. The Gestapo had inflicted as much pain as they could and they only thought him an escapee. What would they do to tiny, fragile remains of Wili’s hope? Why had the world been so cruel to a man who could be so kind given half a chance? How long would Wili have held on to life if war hadn’t brought them together? The image of Wili in a lonely grave for suicides caused Rob to shiver. He was supposed to be making Wili’s dreams come true, not imagining the worst case scenario! Getting under the covers with Wili felt so right, Rob found sleep beckoning to him. He had to tell Wili something that he could hold on to, but he wasn’t ready for an emotional outburst.

“I think, Wili, we’ve finally found your talent.”

“I guess you liked that.” Wili looked so happy at that complement, that Rob wanted to say something to make it even better. Sleep was pulling at him, telling Rob how long it had been since he had a decent night’s sleep in a warm, soft bed with a lover. If he’d been awake, Rob would have been surprised at the truthful words that come out of his mouth.

“Never had better.”

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Rob’s internal alarm clock told him it was time to get up and check for messages from London before roll call. He didn’t want to get up, as he was so warm and comfortable for some reason. A glance at the body in his arms woke Hogan better than a gallon of coffee. He slid out, terrified of waking Klink and gathered his clothes. A quick clean up in the bathroom and he was back in the cooler before he could think about what he had done. He went over there to make Klink feel better, maybe some pity sex. He absolutely, certainly did not go over there to prove to himself that he was actually, in fact, in love with Klink! Hogan groaned and let his head thunk into the cement wall behind him.

Not only was he in love with Wilhelm Klink, he now lusted after that balding little fink! Who knew that man’s one talent was in the bedroom? All the words Rob had spoken to Wili last night came from the soul and were far truer than the things Hogan had told himself in the cooler. Well, he was a soldier and an honorable man, so there was no way he could let this continue. Klink was an enemy and Hogan had a job to do.

After the war, things might be different. If Germany won, they would both be castrated and killed, not necessarily in that order. If the Allies won, an ocean would lie between them. Damn! That meant Klink had been right, this war was all the time they had. No, Hogan’s only option was to make sure Klink thought it had been a dream. Hogan could take a disappointed libido and broken heart, he doubted Klink could. Wrapping the blanket around him, Hogan tried to force a happy look on his face as he waited for his two breakfasts.